RACING: The good, the bad and the moving on

It's been years since I ran my last race. I was looking forward to this morning's race and the blog post overflowing with glowing energy that was to come after. Unfortunately, or fortunately, that wasn't necessarily the case. What happened? Let me elaborate....

     It started off with a late night at work last night. Not uncommon for the work I do, and I was able to get myself to bed by 1am. My alarm went off all too early at 6am and as I dragged myself out of bed I thought, "OK, self, this is gonna be tough...but you can do this!! It's going to be a GREAT race!!" I got dressed, got my coffee and breakfast, and made my way out the door. Everything seemed to be going well, then 5 minutes into my drive I took a wrong exit. I got flustered and just wrote it off to nerves. Little did I know it was just the start of things to come.

     I finally DID make it to the race site and made my way to packet pick-up. The atmosphere seemed happy, but in the same breath just "off". Again, I just wrote it off to nerves and having not raced for years. After getting my packet I made my way to the starting area. It seemed odd, stand-offish, almost self absorbed...just uncomfortable. The starting line wasn't much better. I made my way into the crowd with my daughter (who was also running) and we awaited the starter's gun.

The crowd stared moving slowly. People crowded together making it nearly impossible to move ahead. It seemed no one had concern for the runners/walkers around them. It was frustrating and saddening at the same time. This is not what races had been in the past for me. Usually the runners are courteous, paying attention to others, generally just as concerned for the other runners as themselves...I just didn't feel that here. I kept a positive attitude for my daughter and we eventually made our way to some clearer road and were able to move forward. She did so well!! We took several walk breaks, but she pushed herself which made me incredibly proud! While on the road it was relatively easy to find our way around some of the groups that were traveling along 4, 5, 6 people wide. The people on the course were very encouraging and I was thankful for that. 

     We then turned on to the trail part of the course and it turned congested and rather unfriendly. It was hard to pass so we were running in spurts, we were being jostled by others trying to pass, we did our best and tried to have fun. Before we knew it the end was in sight. We were going to run the whole way to the end once we saw it and we did. My daughter finished strong in just over 44 minutes! We got through the finish line and it became a slowed down jumbled mess. The people were just pushy and I got separated from those I was looking for. Just getting to the water at the end was a struggle. It was just disheartening. But we finished, my daughter got her first medal and we were some happy girls.

Later in the afternoon I was left with this nagging feeling. So much didn't go as planned, so many emotions still racing through my mind, so many things that bothered me, that I made my way out for a second run around my neighborhood to get my head straight. 

     If you would have asked me right after this race if I would run another my immediate answer would have been "No." I love running, but maybe I'm just a runner who strictly runs to run. Now that I've had time to let things settle and think about it I've come to some conclusions. 

1. A bad race is just that. One race. One experience...a LEARNING experience. There is something to be learned from every race. Some races are good, some are great, some...well...not so much, but you learn from each and every one.

2. Acknowledge but don't dwell. I had expectations of what I thought would happen today. They didn't come to fruition. I actually got to the point of tears later in the day. Probably because this was honestly the first bad race experience I've ever had. I think it helped to acknowledge that I was dissapointed, hurt, and let down. To ignore those feelings would have probably made them linger longer. 

3. There is always something positive to be found. Looking back if nothing else this was a great mother/daughter experience. I wouldn't have missed it for the world! It also got me back out of the comfort zone of just running around my neighborhood which WILL lead to continuing to move forward.

4. I WILL run another race. I'm not going to let this get me down. I want to get that warm fuzzy after race feeling again. I know it's out there and I won't find it if I DON'T get out there and run another race.

So that was my day. I hope that my sharing my experience will help all of you look at every experience as a learning experience. Everything has it's positives and negatives. We just need to focus on the positive things and learn from the rest. Now, with all that said, I think I'm going to go read some back issues of Runner's World, enjoy some coffee and find my next race. Stay strong everyone!!

Much love, 

The Tiny Tigress